Sending your teenager off to university is a proud and emotional milestone. It marks the beginning of their adult life and a new chapter for your family. Whether your young person is moving across the country or commuting from home, the transition can be both exciting and daunting – for them and for you.
As a parent or carer, your support can make all the difference to your young person. But it’s also important to get the balance right, since this is an important step for your teen in their independence and moving into adulthood. This guide offers practical guidance and emotional reassurance to help you and your young person navigate this important life stage together.
1. Start the conversation early
Your teen is likely to find university life very different to what they’ve been used to, with a lot of firsts. They may be moving away from home, to a new place, with people they’ve never met before. Add in the extra responsibility of looking after their money and bills and getting their head around a different, more independent learning style, and it’s no wonder some students can find the first weeks of uni life overwhelming.
For this reason, it’s best to begin talking about university well before move-in day. To help your young person feel heard and allow them to express their needs, ask open-ended questions like:
- “What are you most looking forward to?”
- “What can we do now to help you feel more prepared?”
- “How can I support you without getting in the way?”
You’ll likely have already talked about the cost of university, because there’s no doubt this is usually one of the biggest concerns. But if you need any more guidance on this topic, take a look the UCAS guide to how to pay for uni and the GOV.UK guide to Disabled Students’ Allowance.
2. Help them build life skills
University life brings with it a new level of independence, especially if your teen is living away from home for the first time. To make sure they’re equipped to avoid becoming the stereotypical student surviving on cornflakes and beans on toast, help them prepare by:
- Practising preparing simple meals together – try starting with some of our easy recipes.
- Helping your young person understand how to manage their money. Go through their student loan, rent, and bills together, and do some research into opening a student bank account. Get more guidance in this UCAS guide to bills, budgeting and preparing for uni.
- Go through how to register with a local GP and where to go for mental health support. If your teen takes any medication, make sure they know how to manage that and any prescriptions.
3. Visit the campus together
You might have already been to an open day together, but if not, try to get to the campus with your teenager to support them as they familiarise themselves with their new environment.
Have a walk around the campus, and the local area around their accommodation if it isn’t on campus, and find all the important spots they’ll need:
- student union
- library
- support services
- local GP
- supermarket.
This can help your young person feel more at home and confident in their new place, and will also help to ease your worries too. But bear in mind your teenager might not take in all this information in one go, so be ready to remind them where something is or how to do something if they come to you having completely forgotten.
4. Acknowledge your own feelings
It’s to be expected that you’ll experience a mix of feelings: pride, worry, even a sense of sadness or loss, particularly if your teenager is moving away to go to university. This empty nest syndrome – that feeling of grief or loneliness when children leave home – means you’ll naturally feel like something is missing in your life.
That’s not to say that you won’t adjust with time, but it’s important to recognise you’re having a valid emotional response. Allow yourself to feel those emotions. Talk to friends who can relate to what you’re feeling, write them down, or seek professional support.
When your teen leaves for university, you may also experience a shift in your routine or responsibilities. This can be unsettling, and you may feel that you don’t know what to do with yourself. However, it’s also an opportunity to reflect on your own needs and goals. With time, you may be able to reframe this as a chance to rediscover interests that have been a little neglected over the years, reconnect with friends you haven’t seen for a while, or try out new hobbies. Staying socially connected and setting small personal goals can help ease the transition and bring a renewed sense of purpose.
5. Celebrate their independence
When your young person has moved into their university accommodation and you’re at home, you may spend a lot of time wondering how they’re getting on. You may also be tempted to check in with them a lot, especially in the first few weeks. But giving your teenager space to settle in and find their feet is important. Before they go off to uni, agree on the best way to keep in touch – maybe a weekly video call or a whatever else works for you both. Let them know you’re always there for them, but trust them to reach out when they need to.
Above all, let them see that as much as you miss having them around, you can celebrate their independence too. When you catch up, show you’re interested in the new friendships they’ve made, their exciting learning opportunities and their personal growth.
6. Be a steady presence and offer encouragement
Even from afar, you can offer comfort and encouragement. Send them a funny post you saw on social media that you know they’ll enjoy, a care package with their favourite snacks, or a good luck message before their first proper lecture. These small gestures remind them they’re loved, supported and in your thoughts.
Homesickness is a common feeling for those who have moved away from home for the first time. For many students it passes fairly quickly, but for others it can linger. These suggestions may help your teen to ease the feeling:
- Encourage your young person to get out of their room and onto campus or wherever freshers’ events are happening.
- Encourage them to start conversations with new people, whether that’s people they meet on campus or those they’re living with. It can seem overwhelming, and they won’t become friends with all of these people, but the chances are everyone is feeling a little daunted or worried.
- Suggest they check out their university’s freshers’ fair, to see what societies and clubs there are, and to join any that fit their interests and hobbies.
- Remind them how good self-care can help them feel better. Eating well, exercising, and getting enough sleep are all important, but not to let it become a lecture if they’re not keeping up with these things!
As time goes on, you can ask about their course, what they’re enjoying, and what’s challenging. Celebrate their achievements, no matter how small. And of course if they’re worried about anything or feel like they’re falling behind, help them reach out to university support services or their tutor.
7. Know when to step in
While celebrating your teen’s independence is important, it’s also good to know when they’re struggling and you might need to step in. This isn’t always easy to tell, but there are certain things you can look out for.
Keep an eye out for signs that they’re struggling such as:
- regularly missing calls
- extreme changes in mood
- frequent complaints about sleep or stress.
Encourage them to use university support services, and if needed, help them make contact. For other practical tips and guidance, see our guide on supporting your teenager’s mental health.
More information
Your young person heading off to university is a new stage in your relationship. It marks a new chapter for you both, and while it will take some adjustment for both of you, it marks the start of a time that will be filled with pride and growth.
If you need more information or support, see:
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